Description - Am I doin it rite?

Afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen. As you know, if you've read my first post, I like to write. I like to write stories, specifically. The only problem is that I have a limited amount of un-biased judgement on whether my stories are good or not. The thing is with my writing I like to put a lot of description in, mainly of characters or other living, breathing things. I don't go as far as Charles Dickens or Stephen King style description although I particularly admire the way the later pulls it off flawlessly, giving you the perfect image of the character or scene in question and yet not slowing or delaying the pace of the story. This is the kind of thing that I am going for, now obviously I'm never going to be as good as a best selling novelist, but I hope that the description in my stories shows some semblance of quality.

I will now post some differing lengths of description from some of my stories, most of them will be from the story that I am attempting to finish although some will be fished from unfinished or discontinued stories.

'Luscious hair cascaded down her back like an obsidian waterfall, her rosy cheeks perfectly complimenting her smooth scarlet lips, behind them hid rows of paper-white, marble-shining teeth, ready to burst through in a flashing smile. Icy blue eyes danced over her area of vision. Her beauty was striking, even at a distance; her looks were unique and compelling. At least, that is, before now. A month in the wasteland had changed all that, her once silky hair now stuck in clumps and tangled like greased sea weed. Her lips bitten and almost skinless and her skin with an orange tinge from the lifeless dust that blanketed everything. Her eyes, still strikingly blue, though no longer beautiful, now haunted and empty. Mascara-tears had left black slug-trails down her cheeks. Smiles had vacated her face, and frowns had taken their place. '

This piece of description is from the story that I am currently writing seriously, it opens the second chapter and is the first description of the character introduced within it. 

'You crane your neck to look up at him, his eyes sunken and dark, his nose large with a faint scar running down one side like a drip on a window pane, his lips blistered and dry, cloaked in a blanket of stubble.' 

This is a small extract of description from one of my discontinued stories, which I would actually like to finish now. This is the description of a minor character who is supposed to be your average, garden variety gun-totting hired soldier. You may have noticed that this is written in the 2nd person, which is unusual for a story, this is why I want to finish it. I love the effect that 2nd person has, the story is of a prison escape and it puts the reader in the story as the main character but leaves them out of control and this style of writing reflects the lack of control that you would have in a prison situation.

'It looked picturesque, which was a synonym for boring in the children’s vocabulary. The forest looked to be a beautiful scenic place filled with birdsong and the promise of adventure, which basically meant ‘Oh fuck, no Facebook for a week.’'

This one is something different from my usual writing style, I am writing a story incorporating my friends. I am trying to build a picture of scenes without being boring and trying to keep it funny at the same time, which is a very hard task with the way I am used to writing.

'The thing was humanoid, possibly even once a human. It was tall, its limbs elongated and its fingers hung from its hands like vines from a tree, each one of the tipped with a gruesome black nail. Clothes clung to its disgusting form, all of them tattered and bloodstained, if it had once been wearing shoes, they had been torn from its now bare and clawed feet. Its face was an image of pure hate, its mouth contorted in a predator grin; its yellow fangs piercing the skin bellow its cracked lips. Its hair was shaggy and long, decorated with bones and scraps of metal and wood. It charged towards him with a pronounced limp, its knuckles practically scraping the road.'

A description a mutant zombie like monster from the story that I am writing currently.

'He had the face of a psychopath, cool and collect despite the fact he was discussing the fate of another human being. His noses peaked sharply and bellow it a narrow line of a mouth stayed closed and only parted the slightest amount when he spoke. His eyes were a steely grey, embodying his frigid hostility. He wore a black suit with a bowler hat, a cigar pushed behind his ear and a necklace of keys draped over him.' 

My final piece of description for today's post, this is me trying to get a brief description down without interrupting the conversation that is happening in the story and still letting the readers know the appearance of the man involved.

So, how did I do? Did you like my descriptions? Feedback would be loved, if it is too long and boring to post here then feel free to e-mail it to me at l.neale3@hotmail.co.uk, also if you've got any questions I'd be more than happy to answer them. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed my work.